Slice of Life #17: Willpower = Willing

Slice of Life, #17:  Willpower = Willing

Just this morning, I was reading an essay by Brenda Power and Heather Rader from Choice Literacy:  “Temptation and Willpower”.

They quoted Kelly McGonigal, “…when the brain perceives the body approaching something, it starts to recalculate the value of that object or experience.”

This made me think, “Does it take willpower to work with the literacy coach?" 

And...

"How can I overcome obstacles in my job?"

As a literacy coach, how can I help the teachers’ brains to “recalculate” the value of the experience of working with a coach—whether it’s the literacy coach or a peer coach?

If deep down, the teacher seeks to create change in her instruction and knows that the odds of sustaining it are much better (80% better) with a coach than without, would her brain perceive coaching as valuable?  What motivates a person to work with a coach—or not? 

As teachers, I wonder if there is credence given to an old adage about research, “If we cannot measure it, it does not exist.”  Considering modern political views on education, I think teachers would say that many of the most important things about being an educated citizen—and an educator—truly cannot be measured… certainly not by today’s standards. I’m speaking of qualities that we all strive to develop:  love of learning, caring, compassion, courage, kindness, confidence, effort, responsibility, perseverance, teamwork, taking initiative, etc.  I know every teacher values these but feels like they are almost inconsequential in our data-driven World-Gone-Mad.  Consider this:  no school gets a “D” or “F” in its state ranking system because its students were not kind or courageous. 

While that does not stop us from teaching these “mega skills” to our students or embedding them in our work, somehow it does seem to de-value character in education—and then, ultimately, in our citizens. So if our beliefs align with our instruction (regardless of measurement), is this also true of our beliefs about professional development?  If it really matters to us, will we find a way to do it?

Perhaps teachers feel so vulnerable that taking (what they perceive as) one more risk is just too much to ask.  Perhaps they see change as too time-consuming or emotionally draining… or just plain dangerous in a world where teachers feel like they are expected to be perfect all of the time or risk being evaluated as “needing improvement” or “ineffective.” 

Power and Rader’s essay focuses on motivating students to recalculate the value of a unit of study by doing fun, easy-to-access, hands-on activities.  These create joy and immediate gratification, thus linking pleasure to the experience and staving off resistance.  We know that different things motivate learners:  do-able work that is challenging but not completely out-of-reach and that links to what we already know, timely feedback, socialization, meaningful/authentic projects, and interests of the learner.  Coaching innately meets all of these criteria.  Still, there are resistors. 

Could part of resistance be created by the fear of being vulnerable and how our society views vulnerability as negative?  Is vulnerability a “bad thing?” 

Dr. Brene Brown (author of DARING GREATLY) describes asking people about love only to hear responses focused on heartbreak; asking about belonging, only to be told about “their most excruciating experiences of being excluded;” and when asking about connection, their stories were about disconnections. In a conversation with her therapist, this was her response to the question,

"What makes you feel vulnerable?"

She replied, "When I'm in fear.  When I'm anxious and unsure about how things are going to go, or if I'm having a difficult conversation, or if I'm trying something new that makes me feel uncomfortable or opens me up to criticism or judgment." 

Ah-ha.  This describes what I ask people to do every day in a coaching situation.  But as a coach, I have two choices:  I can be vulnerable—authentically myself, REAL, exposed as a human, thoughtful teacher—or I can pretend that I am perfect and above vulnerability, above making mistakes.  I have never aspired to the latter, but I keenly know the fear of working with someone who might criticize my efforts… someone who might even take pleasure in discovering that the coach is less than perfect.  (That leaders are or should be perfect is a common misconception.)  But I hope that I am teaching them that who they are is "enough."  That we work from there to reflect and improve on our imperfections--together.  Working wholeheartedly from a place of worthiness, as described by Dr. Brown.

Dr. Brown says that there are things that unravel our connections.   The biggest one she defines is “shame” which makes us wonder or fear, “Is there something about me—that if other people know it or see it—that I won’t be worthy of connection?”   I have often heard teachers lament similar thoughts when asked if their peers could observe their classrooms.  They are fearful that their connections will be unraveled if somehow they don't "measure up" as "good enough."  They feel vulnerable in really "being seen."

Dr. Brown teaches that when we have a strong sense of love and belonging, we believe we are worthy of connections, of being seen.  If feeling connected to others helps to give purpose and meaning to our lives, then coaching should be intrinsically motivating. 

This might explain the phenomenon of how people who are among the“most confident” teachers are often the first ones who want to work with a coach.  They know they “belong” and feel confident in “being seen.”  They possess the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves (and, consequently, to me); and they have a whole-hearted sense of self and connectedness.  They recognize that being vulnerable is necessary to growth.  This “whole-heartedness” creates a willingness to take risks, knowing uncertainty is worth surviving for the sake of making progress.  Dr. Brene Brown says that this is simply how the whole-hearted live. 

I want to be a wholehearted coach, which means that I am willing to survive risk-taking in order to make progress with my clients.  In order to do this, I need to be confident in “being seen,” which requires courage in being imperfect.  I have to be kind to myself so that I can be kind to others.  I have to know who I am and believe that as a coach and caring human being, I have something to offer that is worthy to all teachers--because they are worthy.

The connections formed through being vulnerable as a coach is something that makes my job possible and is, perhaps, one of the most important things that I can model for teachers.  Be willing to take calculated risks for creating a more dynamic lesson or learning/teaching experience. The coach works beside teachers, not wanting or needing to judge—or to be judged.  We believe in our work, expect imperfection, and work through it with obvious, whole-hearted commitment. 

As Dr. Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, of love…”  This helps me remember that feeling vulnerable is okay…and that kindness and gentleness will help our teachers practice their craft with gratitude and joy… then maybe, just maybe, our precious teachers will feel like they are “enough” AND worthy of teaching whole-heartedly.   

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